H e y, N u n z !

Promise Fulfilled

2008-11-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

Much as Jackie Robinson genuinely made baseball the national pastime 61 years ago, Barack Obama has truly fulfilled the promise of America. A promise 221 years in the making.

Good luck and God's speed, Mr. President-Elect.

When Keepin' It "Real" Goes Wrong* (pt. 3 of 3)

2008-10-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

*with all praise and respect due to Dave Chappelle for the title.

So, in our final video, found below, Jon tells us about how he spent his weekend at Northeastern University (click link for video).

And, then, a clarification...

The Daily Show - Governor Palin Clarification
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

When Keepin' It "Real" Goes Wrong* (pt. 2 of 3)

2008-10-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

*with all praise and respect due to Dave Chappelle for the title.

Continuing with Monday night's The Daily Show highlights, we here at Hey Nunz offer you a simple test to gauge the amount of America you knowingly or unknowingly, each and every day, carry around with you in your heart, soul, and, let's be honest, your junk. Because, THIS IS IMPORTANT, people. Don't you know a secret-Muslim terrorist-hanger-arounder is running for President?

When Keepin' It "Real" Goes Wrong* (pt. 1 of 3)

2008-10-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

*with all praise and respect due to Dave Chappelle for the title.

The Daily Show uncorked a great one this past Monday night. Jon Stewart was on fire, and clearly pissed off. I must say, righteous indignation suits him well. It worked on me big time. Made me think about a woman I know who not only teaches elementary school in Glassel Park, but who also served two tours of duty in Iraq as a National Guardsman. Would Sarah Palin tell her, "Thanks, but, gosh darnit, fuck off too, because you're from ol' elitist Los Angeles, which means you're not a real American either"?

HALF!

2008-10-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

Well, this is certainly one way to settle things.

Richard William Wright, 1943-2008

2008-09-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace.

Colbert v. Colbert: Steroids

2008-09-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

One of the best segments on The Colbert Report is Formidable Opponent, where Stephen picks a topic and then debates himself, with the use of some "clever" TV-camera special effects. This is a clip from way back in December 2005, the first year of the show. Stephen debates Stephen about the use of performance enhancing drugs in sports.

Colbert v. Canton(s)

2008-08-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

Stephen Colbert loves his enemies. Ok, lemme amend that. He loves having his enemies, God knows. And for whatever twisted reason (I honestly don't care why if it stays this funny) he's decided to pick a fight with the city of Canton. Which city of Canton, you ask? There's actually a total of sixteen (or seventeen, if you count Canton (Village), NY) Cantons in the United States. To date, Stephen Colbert has managed to offend five of them. The above video is from last night, the latest update on the Canton Onslaught.

Bernard Jeffrey McCullough, 1957-2008

2008-08-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace.

Euro-Homer

2008-08-09T19:02:00.001-07:00

Further proof that, for Fox, the Simpsons franchise is like printing money.

Literally.

George Dennis Patrick Carlin, 1937-2008

2008-06-22T23:10:00.001-07:00

Bill Hicks, Come Home...All Is Forgiven

2008-03-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

This is an ad for Halodrol Liquigels, some kind of workout supplement. But, really, with an ad like this, who gives a human-growth-hormone-produced shit what it's used for? Pretty clever, possibly controversial...

...DEFINITELY presaged by the late, great Bill Hicks...way back in 1990:

Your California Tax Dollars At Work, Part Two: TEXAS Edition

2008-03-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry to be such a Negative Jones here; this would make it two bummer posts in a row. I'd say I'm in need of a sunnier outlook these days. I really dug Obama's speech (video, scroll down for the full transcript) the other day. Maybe I'll find some sunshine in writing about that at some point in the future.

But, for now, we must settle for this bozo.

The punchline isn't so much that the fucker actually pleaded "not guilty". What's absolutely blindmowing is that the Texas courts spent precious time and tax money TEN SEPARATE TIMES before they finally decided to put this tool away for 60 years. Nine times in front of a judge (and that's just under the DWI column; it's true, oh yes, kids, our boy also had to show cause for assault, forgery, and theft) and the judges still couldn't pull the fuckin' trigger on this guy. That ninth time must've been too close to call.

Alternate post title: "Nine Strikes And, Um, Yer Free To...Go, I Guess?"

Awful

2008-02-27T20:32:00.000-08:00

Simply awful.

On a personal note, this news story does not make me feel particularly comfy. Bus stops have recently become a part of my everyday life.

Anyone know where I can get my hands on some kevlar?

The Pick

2008-02-03T10:19:00.000-08:00

Giants, 31-29.
MVP? LB Antonio Pierce.

Yeah, it'll certainly help if the Giants can get to Tom Brady and help him get familiar with the pristine turf of University of Phoenix Stadium. But I agree with Mitch Albom: it'll be better if the Giants can keep Tom Brady off the field. Long drives, solid running game, tough defense, no turnovers.

Seems easy enough, right?

Enjoy the game, kiddies.

Unfuckingbelievable

2008-01-20T20:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to blather on tonight. I'm far too dizzy to make any possible sense (and, yes, dizzier than usual, I agree.) Fuckin' amazing game. As I'm sure will be said many many many times in the coming days, across the TV box and the internet tubes, this was an Instant Classic. Here are some early thoughts from some sports blogs I particularly dig:

The Sports Frog gets the award for ShortnSweet, certainly echoing my sentiments regarding Tiki Barber.

Can't Stop The Bleeding had this to say about the NFC and AFC Championship games (the AFC take is particularly sharp), both written by Gerard Cosloy, co-head of Matador Records.

Predictions later (perhaps, and more thoughts as well), but I'll say this: I think the spread is gonna open at Pats by 9. 18-0 aside, I'd be very surprised if the oddsmakers give the Pats a double-digit spread. They made that mistake giving the Rams -14 back in 2002 (final score: 20-17, Patriots). Whether the Giants win or lose, it's gonna be a close game. They only lost by 3, back on December 29th, and they hung 35 points on that defense.

Fuck. I haven't cared this much about football in general or specifically for years.

(UPDATE 01/21/08: Bodoglife.com has the line today at Pats -12. The AP is reporting that Vegas sports books are going as high as -13 or -14. Sigh...oh well.)

The Patriots are going to Sit on the Colts.

2007-11-01T16:09:00.000-07:00

The Brady-Manning Man-Moment You've Been Clamoring For.

I'm not necessarily a Pats fan; I'm not a hater, either. (Same way I feel about the Yanks/Red Sox - indifferent, still fun to watch.) Surprised just how many are autopicking the Colts, due respect, but I don't see Indy bringing anything that New England has not seen this season. Pats are gonna sit on the Colts, just like they've sat on top of everyone else.

Could be wrong.
I could be right.

mahalo.
j.r.e.

Don't (Stop) Believe(-in') The Hype

2007-06-10T23:51:00.001-07:00

Don't listen to the haters. (Or, hell, go and judge for yourself.) The Sopranos finale was brilliant. From Start to Finish. Yes, the ending, too. Especially the ending. Tony got shot and was killed. Instantly. Right in front of his family. End of Story, kids. No way Tony somehow survives that scene and lives to see another day. As to the question of, "why not just show it?", well, what is it that you were hoping to see? If Carmela, Meadow and AJ got shot, too? I doubt it. Phil Leotardo got taken out in front of his daughter and his grandkids and nothing happened to them; you know the Mafia doesn't touch family when performing a hit. Or did you want to see the three of them crying over Tony's body? You've seen that already, at the very beginning of the season when Uncle Junior shot Tony. Oh, and this: "But he looked up and saw Meadow come in." Really? Did he? How do you know? He looked up and saw something, I'm guessing the barrel of a gun. As the recently-late Bobby Bacallieri foreshadowed at the end of last week's episode (itself, a flashback to when he said it in the first episode of this mini-season), "you probably don't even hear it when it happens, right?" Instant death. CUT to black.

Anyway, Tim Goodman, of the San Francisco Chronicle, sums it up and doesn't miss a thing. Good read.

"I See You Rolled Your Way Into The Semis...Dios Mio, Man"

2007-04-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

No disrespect to the East (go Rangers!), but the two Western Conference Semis are going to be some serious fun to watch. Detroit v. San Jose. Anaheim v. Vancouver. These were the best four teams from the West this season, hands down, no question, g'night kid. Congrats to the 'nucks. Luongo v. Giguere - all right.

Being the product of two coasts, I'm pulling for a Ducks/Rangers Cup Final. Wha'boutchu? Predict away, knuckleheads.

Mmm....Torture

2007-03-22T23:28:00.000-07:00

Glad that they pulled these. Gotta admit, I certainly was, em, taken with the ad (thank you, thank you) when I first encountered it at the intersection of Hollywood/Prospect and Vermont the other day. Tasteless, to say the least. Strangely tho, the ad was also making me think of 80's metal album covers, like Anthrax's Fistful of Metal...

or (gawd) Quiet Riot...

Calvert DeForest, a.k.a. Larry "Bud" Melman

2007-03-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

1921-2007

Most people remember him from being on Letterman in the 80's. Anyone remember him in the RUN-DMC "King of Rock" video? Here's a bio, and a clip of "Larry" handing out hot towels at the Port Authority Bus Terminal:

Raisins To The Rescue

2007-03-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

If you ever find yourself newly broken up with someone (and I hope that you don't, but if you do...), might I recommend the South Park episode "Raisins" (2003). I'm just out of a relationship, feeling pretty down, and seeing this episode tonight for the first time, I don't quite know where to begin. This episode of South Park was so funny, in so many different ways, I laughed so hard, and what made each laugh just that much better was that every written and delivered word rang as absolutely true. From the great Say Anything/Peter Gabriel joke that I knew was comin' but I howled with laughter anyway to the fucking spot-ON fatalism of the Goth Kids, just hangin' out, preying on a lovesick Stan, itself another Say Anything joke. And, then, there is the great joke that is the Raisins restaurant chain itself - which Cartman won't endorse until he gets to try the food, natch. Much needed and appreciated, Trey and Matt, I was a smilin' mofo by the time this one was over. Quoth the Goth Kids:

"If you want to be one of the non-conformists, all you have to do is dress just like us and listen to the same music we do..."

Yeah, man. Yeah.

Richard Jeni

2007-03-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

I'm late on this.
Rest in peace.

1957-2007

Pride Goeth Before The Fall...

2007-03-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

This is how it starts.

Shameless Self-Promotion: "Honeymoon"

2007-02-26T13:24:00.000-08:00

Mr. de Armendi would like you to know that he directed this piece.

About Fucking Time

2007-02-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

By my count, he should have won at least three by now (Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Last Tempation - shit, he wasn't even nominated for Taxi Driver!!), but Martin Scorsese finally got off the schneid last night and collected his first (sigh) Oscar for Best Director. I did have a brief moment of trepidation when I saw that the producers of last night's telecast made the not-so-subtle move to have Coppola, Lucas, and Spielberg present the Best Director award last night (those three are old buddies of Scorsese's from their days as the "New Hollywood" auteurs of the 1970's - check out Peter Biskind's Easy Riders, Raging Bulls for a fascinating, if gossip-filled, look at Hollywood, circa 1967-1981). It reminded me of when Spielberg's buddy, Harrison Ford, was tapped to present the Best Picture award back in 1999, with most people thinking that Saving Private Ryan had it in the bag, and then, surprise! surprise!, Shakespeare In Love won instead. But my worry turned out to be in vain, and Scorsese finally got his due. LONG OVERDUE (ok, I'm done now).

Here's a hilarious spot Scorsese did a couple of years ago for American Express. "Yeah, Timmy. It's your Uncle Marty. How'd you like to turn five again?"

Oh, Just Shut Up and Play

2007-02-20T07:31:00.000-08:00

The good folks at Sports Frog have the best take:

"With Rodriguez, this cannot be written off to mere stupidity. He's no dummy. He's a savvy veteran who knows how this will play. There had been zero news. None whatsoever about the A-Rod/Jeter rift this season. Bernie Williams decided not to accept a minor-league contract and it has been manufactured into headline news for a week. Starved for news, you know the New York media is going to ask the obligatory question this time of year. But there was no need whatsoever to say anything but "No comment." It may not be easy, but Eddie Murray did it for years. On this one issue, at least, why not just clam up and play the game?

Because he cannot resist. Maybe he didn't want to say the part about lying. After all, he loves his squeaky-clean image. But the rest? Let there be no doubt that this was intentional. Not only does he love the camera, but this is a power move for him. Hey Derek, you're gonna freeze me out? This is how it's going to work this season."

BENCHED!

2007-02-15T16:10:00.000-08:00

Not cancelled. Yet. What kinda odds are we lookin' at here?

I dunno, kids. I've always had a "love/hate" relationship with Aaron Sorkin's shows. Parts of Studio 60 are interesting, even compelling, particularly anything involving Steven Weber and Ed Asner, but my biggest problem with the show has been it's failure at nuance. Soapbox speeches from out of nowhere, misguided one-sided arguments in the guise of debate, creepy stalker-like ideas about romantic love, the fucking snake/ferret/coyote thing, in the end Studio 60 is just too stupid about how smart it is (or wants to be).

Here's a pretty funny parody I found called Stall 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Laurie Anderson - Mach 20

2007-01-25T12:37:00.000-08:00

A Capella Groups: Enemies of America

2007-01-10T11:40:00.000-08:00

I wonder what exactly they did to the Star Spangled Banner. Not as memorable as "Baby On Board", perhaps?

James Brown

2006-12-25T19:07:00.000-08:00

1933 - 2006

All Praises Due To... Your 2006 Philadelphia Eagles

2006-12-25T18:55:00.000-08:00

As a lifelong Giants fan, I gotta give it up to Philly. All Praises Due-style. It's Xmas Day, and they're 9-6, tied with the Cowboys, who they whooped up on tonight, 23-7, for the divisional lead. Sweet month, thusfar:

- Started December at 5-6.

- Proceed to win their next four. Beat Carolina at home. And, then, THEN: At Washington. At New York. At Dallas. All on the road. All Divisional Opponents. All wins.

- One game to go. They host Atlanta on New Year's Eve. And even if Dallas wins their last game (at home vs. Detroit), the Eagles hold the tie breaker on the Cowboys. So their win tonight guarantees them a spot in "the Tournament", as Bill Parcells calls it.

9-6. I don't know how long Jeff Garcia is gonna keep it up (and, sure, by all means, genius, feel free to insert your expected, boring, and/or obvious "gay" joke or double entendre here, because YOU HAVE TO, what with being blessed with the curse of originality), but dude's played like a monster since filling in for McNabb. In his six starts, he's completed almost 62% of his passes, with 10 TD's and 2 picks thrown. Studly and sterling. (And T.O. continued to drop more balls tonight; the karmic justice just makes rooting for Garcia all the more enjoyable.)

The long and short of it is that the Eagles are playing with house money right now. They are playing like a team who believes they not only can go far but will go far in the Tournament. Handicapping the NFC, right now, I'd be willing to say, sure, Eagles could take the Saints for the NFC Championship. The Saints did beat the Eagles in the Superdome back in Week Six (27-24, featuring the Time-Expiring Stylings of John Carney, ladies and jellyfish! Drive safely!), but the Eagles are playing more consistent, if not better, football than the Saints. The Bears ("Crown their ass!!!") aren't much more consistent than the Saints, but their defense is so ridiculously fast, they'd definitely make Jeff Garcia run around all day long. But I do think the Eagles could definitely give the Bears a run for their money. Without question, those are your top three teams in this year's soft-ass NFC:

1. Chicago Bears (13-2)
2/3. Philadelphia Eagles (9-6) or New Orleans Saints (10-5)
4-6. Insert "one-n-done" of your choice. Giants? Hee! That's funny. (And perhaps the topic of a different post.)

Back

2006-12-25T17:39:00.000-08:00

What? You didn't think I forgot about you, did ya?

Steve Phillips Is A Big Fucking Idiot, Part I

2006-10-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

On the 10/01/06 edition of Baseball Tonight:

Steve Phillips, regarding possible (probable) AL Rookie of the Year, P Justin Verlander:

"He's a rookie because the age and numbers say he is, but the way he pitches he's not a rookie."

Huh. I thought Verlander was a rookie...cuz this was his first year.

Eight days left...

2006-09-23T23:51:00.000-07:00

...in the baseball season and it's 11pm on Saturday night and I finally feel like talking about it.

-I never got around to congratulating the Mets on their first division championship since 1988, but I'm not really feeling that congratulatory vibe just yet. I'm excited for the playoffs to start, but I'm not as confident in this Met team as I was just a couple of months ago. The Mets are playing .500 baseball in September (11-11 thru today), David Wright just today hit his first home run at Shea since before the All-Star break, the starting pitching is messy and inconsistent. Thank God (or, if you prefer, Bill "The Spaceman" Lee - I know I would) for a killer bullpen, second only to San Diego's. I have a feeling they are going to be working a lot throughout this playoff season.

-Looks like the Dodgers are, perhaps, prepped and ready to have a fork stuck in their collective asses. The Dodgers, Padres and Phillies, all three teams competing for the last two playoff spots, all finish the season on the road after this Sunday's games and the Dodgers, far and away, have the worst road record of the three. Too much inconsistency for a team that was very much underrated thru much of the season.

-Early prognostication?

NL:
Mets
Cardinals
Padres
Phillies

AL:
Yankees
Twins (winning the AL Central)
Athletics
Tigers (taking the Wild Card)

Mets v. A's in the World Series.

No picks for who wins just yet, but I'm sure you can guess who I'm rooting for. But I think the A's are gonna surprise a lot of people in the playoffs. Yankees fans are more deluded than I thought they were if they really believe that Bobby Abreu is the puzzle-piece they've been lacking for the past five years. The Twins will be back next year, hopefully with a healthy Francisco Liriano. They were ridiculously good this year when they had Santana and Liriano anchoring their rotation. And since the Tigers will draw either New York or Oakland in the first round (they are 7-9 vs. NY/OAK), they will get Jim Leyland the AL Manager of the Year Award, but unfortunately no World Series ring to go along with it.

...more to come...

1991 - 2005

2006-09-12T23:49:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit late on this. But, better late than never.

"Mel Gibson, Eat Your Heart Out!!!"

2006-09-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

Lenny Clarke and Denis Leary stopped by the NESN booth a week or so ago to do the play-by-play for a couple of innings during a Red Sox game. They somehow got on the subject of 1B Kevin Youkilis' ethnic origin. Youkilis ended up having a hell of an inning. And, in the process, comedy magic was born...

Twenty Years Ago...

2006-08-31T09:58:00.000-07:00

...the New York Mets were the best team in baseball. As of today, the Mets have the best record in the majors. To celebrate this fact, I found this Mets video from 1986 on YouTube today and just had to post it. The "80's"-ness of it all, combined with the inherent cheesiness of sports-team-videos, makes it a little tough to take. Joe Piscopo being in it only makes it worse.

08/31/06 - Mets record: 82-49, with 31 games remaining.

Your California Tax Dollars At Work

2006-08-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

I found this today on crooksandliars.com:

The National Priorities Project has a real eye-opening website that calculates the cost of the War in Iraq and them compares it to what we could do with that money.

As a resident of California, here’s what they say we could be doing:

Taxpayers in California will pay $40.3 billion for the cost of war in Iraq. For the same amount of money, the following could have been provided:

* 16,733,296 People with Health Care or
* 627,551 Elementary School Teachers or
* 4,767,634 Head Start Places for Children or
* 25,168,314 Children with Health Care or
* 235,246 Affordable Housing Units or
* 4,390 New Elementary Schools or
* 7,685,109 Scholarships for University Students or
* 616,017 Music and Arts Teachers or
* 741,482 Public Safety Officers or
* 117,140,845 Homes with Renewable Electricity or
* 601,790 Port Container Inspectors

Check out your state's trade-offs.

Potty Mouth Theater : The Big Lebowski - Short Version

2006-08-01T15:52:00.000-07:00

Atlanta gets spanked, then gets outed as foot fetishists

2006-07-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

Jon Kruk, on Baseball Tonight, um, tonight, referring to the Mets' first three-game sweep of My "Favorite" Team in Atlanta since 1979, and Met centerfielder Carlos Beltran, in particular:

" . . .The Braves were on a roll. They were hot, and here comes everyone in the media, around baseball, saying, 'Here come the Braves, don't count 'em out.' Well, Carlos Beltran made it a- he took a personal disliking to the fact that the Braves were coming on their heels (???) and he decided to do something about it."

Eww. Reason #37 for me to continue to hate the Braves.

Braves Acquire Wickman; Here (They Think) They Come

2006-07-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

Here are some numbers my friend and I were kicking around after we found out the news today that the Braves acquired Cleveland closer Bob Wickman:

Current Met Record: 57-38 (67 games to go)
Say the Mets go .500: 34-33 (ok, 1 game over)
Final Record Then Is: 91-71

The Braves also have 67 games to go.
Their record at the moment is 45-50.
In the last 67, the Braves would have to go 47-20, making their final record 92-70, to catch the Mets in this scenario.

Now I don't think that adding Bob Wickman to their roster makes that a lock to happen. But the trade today makes clear that, after the week the Braves just had, they certainly believe they're in it. I don't know about the rest of you, but I haven't bought my World Series tickets yet, if you know what I mean. I'm a lifelong Met fan, and they are kicking ass and I'm having a blast watching them, but I won't count the Braves out until they are 12 games back in September.

Now I'm fairly confident that, barring a colossal meltdown, the Mets are gonna do better than .500 the rest of the way. And even if the Mets do go .500, I know that the Braves going 47-20 is a pretty tall order, but even 85-90 wins, in this year's soft NL, may just get you the Wild Card. And I'm pretty positive that, at this point in the season, the Braves could care less about making it 15 years in a row.

to be commenced properly at a later date and time

2006-04-11T23:42:00.000-07:00